How This Guy Went On a Coffee Date and Found a New Girlfriend

"Dear Jenny,

When I first encountered your content, I was a hopeless 25-year old virgin who had never been on a date.

After two years of devouring every single one of your courses, subscriber articles, and Youtube streams, working on myself all the while, I’ve managed to turn things around.

Now, I've just turned 28 and the situation is completely different. I’ve dated well, I’m no longer a virgin, and I now have a completely different outlook on life, socializing, dating, and relationships. 

It’s a weird thing to say, but a housewife from Las Vegas changed my life. (This email could be a lot longer, and I’ll spare you a lot of the details, but I’ll just say you’ve had a tremendous influence on me that would take me pages to cover.)

For this, I owe you a profound thanks. However, the key is that I now have an amazing girlfriend, who I have been dating for six months.

We have a deep spiritual bond, have shared values and goals, and discuss marriage and kids openly and frequently. I really think she’s the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.

Of course, I haven’t had any other girlfriends, so to counter my inexperience, I used your content to gauge her character and suitability, and our prospects for a successful relationship.

I met my current girlfriend early this year in Estonia. I’m from England and she’s from Germany. She’s 23 years old.

We exchanged glances, and I strode up to her and asked for her number straight, without fumbling, simpy talk, or any BS. (I was accompanied by a friend that night, who told me my conduct was ‘ballsy’).

I was catching a flight home the next day, and she was leaving for Finland on the afternoon that same day, so I texted her before I left to propose a coffee date, as we were both pressed for time in a city that neither of us knew so well, so it seemed sensible as the window of opportunity would have closed completely within a few hours on that very morning.

Under different circumstances, I likely would have proposed something else. I made sure we didn’t split the bill, and paid for both of our coffees.

The initial date was a little bit awkward, in line with what you have mentioned in your articles, but our story didn’t stop there. We kept in touch.

I later visited her where she lives in Germany, where I took her to do lots of fun things, as you’d suggest, and that’s where the real joy and compatibility reared its head.

From there, we became boyfriend and girlfriend, experiencing a great range and depth of experiences together, and a bond of deep intimacy and trust grew between us. (I don’t like to be ungentlemanly, but I should say that we also have a superb sex life, and she can’t get enough of me in bed).

I do not wish to claim $100 from you! However, I do fret that the origins of my relationship, in particular the initial coffee date, render my partnership invalid somehow, mean that my relationship is doomed to fail, or that I am somehow bad in what I did.

I’ve made sure to be a high-effort man in all respects since our coffee date, adhering to your guidance every step of the way. 

What you say about coffee dates does make a lot of sense, especially for young women. I won’t defend them. It was never my preferred tactic when I was dating, and I have struck my current relationship by rejecting a lot of modern clown world culture – typified by coffee ‘dates’ – with regard to dating, gender dynamics, and all the rest.

I don’t think I’m asking for false reassurance, but would be very grateful to read any thoughts you might have reading my experience. And, of course, please be brutally honest."

Signed,

Guy With Major Game

Dear Guy With Major Game,

Congratulations on all your marvelous progress with women! I'm truly honored and humbled that my work helped you accomplish this seismic shift in your approach and you've now found a beautiful young woman to love.

This is no small feat considering you were a 25-year old virgin when you began. Many of today's young men are in your position and they are having increasing difficulty in developing the required life skills to have loving relationships with women.

And now I'm going to expand on why your coffee date has worked out for you as opposed to the millions of folks for whom it ends in no less than catastrophic failure.

You built up years of guy game through my work and had that expert-level knowledge under your belt long before you went on said coffee date with your new girlfriend.

Many of the people going on coffee "dates" in today's ever harsh dating environment have ZERO going on the game department.

Zero.

They show up to the coffee undate and stealthily pawn their female victim off into the checkout line to pay for their own coffee.

Or they get there early and order a coffee before the woman shows up so he doesn't have to pay.

And when a woman decides to sit there after being stiffed and shafted by the cheapskate dickhead who won't pay for the coffee, they have to endure listening to him be a boring, shortfish wanker for two hours meandering on about his mediocre existence.

You planned your coffee date around an itinerary that only afforded you a quick coffee date–it wasn't your go-to place and it wouldn't have been on your agenda at all if you weren't traveling and pressed for time.

On the other hand, the majority of people on coffee "dates" are inconsiderate, nasty dorks and huge assholes.

They have no concern for the other person's time.

They have no etiquette or manners.

They have no regard for how the person feels being invited to a coffee "date" and being treated like dogshit throughout the duration of it.

I'm aware it's a very controversial and contentious matter for me to launch a full scale attack against the fundamentalist church of asexual coffee drinkers who think coffee is a date when it's proven to be a disaster among singles as a whole.

You are the exception that proves the rule. You spent years learning my game techniques with a level of diligence and commitment that is guaranteed to render any person who wants to be good at game an undisputed world champion.

You are heads above the crowd. And that's why coffee worked out for you when it doesn't for millions of others who use coffee as a way to flake, ghost, be cheap, be stupid, and be tacky and sickening on a level that shouldn't be allowed.

Now that you've mastered the game, you could sell an eskimo woman a block of ice with your level of game expertise. That's laudable and I'm immensely proud of you for essentially taking huge risks in turning your life around when it comes to women.

But again, millions of people go on coffee dates and want to quit dating entirely because coffee dates are patently horrifying.

I realize my opinion on coffee "dates" errs on blasphemy and it's pissing off a lot of people.

They should be pissed off. It's not the sacred institution of coffee drinking itself, it's the fact that single people have no game and drinking coffee just isn't working.

If they had game, they could have coffee, dig ditches, shovel horse manure and bake a souffle on a date and still come out winning as you have.

But no, they insist on coffee dates and making people's lives miserable. That's not cool and it's not sustainable.

Your relationship is not invalid, doomed to fail and you are not a bad guy for taking your new girlfriend on a coffee date. You saw an opportunity to meetup and connect when you were pressed for time and you made the most of it. And you came out winning.

Others, not so much. They need game. Then coffee will work spectacularly like it did for you.

But I have a feeling when people develop any real sense of game, they won't do coffee "dates." They'll be more a lot creative with the opposite sex and know how to have fun.

They'll be just like you, a guy with game who doesn't do coffee and only did so because you had to meet this woman before flying thousands of miles and missing the rare chance to meet up with a woman who's a real catch.

The way people do coffee nowadays blows. The way you did coffee, doesn't.

Game is game, and being a coffee dork is being a coffee dork. The vast majority of single people doing coffee are the latter.

Love,

Jenny

Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?

Write me: lovepilledjenny@gmail.com