When I was a teenager I came upon the red pill which undoubtedly has a lot of truth to it. But I feel as though it has forced myself and a lot of other men to view women and relationships as being "too hard" erring on hopeless.
It does seem very hard for us to tell if a woman is a good person or not and we feel like everyone is out to get us. So even if a woman we date is in fact a good woman, we still feel like we're being played.
How can we learn to trust women again and not feel so suspicious of dating and relationships overall?
Red Pilled & Trying to Figure it Out
Dear RP & Finding a Way Out,
This may be a bit harsh and inconvenient for me to say and for you to hear but...
It's no mystery the red pill is made up almost entirely of men who have had a less than stellar track record with women. The spite and acrimony is palatable–and rightly so.
Red pill began as a budding movement founded by a loose coalition of men who are the byproducts of the accumulative effects of liberalism and feminism.
Absentee fathers, lack of male camaraderie and fraternity and brotherhood, and being medicated by school psychologists for being bright boys with a lot of brain power and intuitiveness is enough to make these men revolt against a system that has been working against them for decades.
Red pill is now a quasi fraternity of men who have forged a common bond in empathizing with men's struggles with women in the modern dating environment.
The nuclear family with a strong father figure present used to alleviate young men facing difficulties with women because fathers modeled masculine behavior in relation to women in the household e.g. fathers in relation to their wives and daughters helped their sons to understand how to appropriately deal with women.
Gen-Xers like myself are very familiar with this dynamic because our silent generation parents not only modeled traditional male and female behaviors, they told us all the ugly truth every chance could get about love, sex, and dating.
For example, in the 1989 film "Uncle Buck," John Candy played the estranged uncle of his virgin 15-year old niece, Tia, who was well on her way to being "fast" and "loose" (what people often dubbed promiscuous girls in those days in a derogatory manner).
He warned Tia, "He's the predator and you are his prey," in reference to a boy named "Bug" who was pressuring her for sex and trying to "get in her pants" (yet another archaic truism for predatory male behavior that people don't hear anymore).
Our parents, brothers, uncles, and grandparents used to tell us the truth about this kind of stuff. Nowadays kids hear absolutely everything to the contrary–take pills, get drunk, have sex, get pregnant and wind up a single mother, etc., with no regard nor any warning of the lifelong consequences of such irresponsible behavior.
And today, if you don't act like whichever flavor of currently in vogue sexually defunct idiot, you're a "pick me girl" or an "incel with a small peeter."
People in the red pill are increasingly "in awe" and they are shocked when they learn the truth about what our forefathers drilled into our heads for centuries before the disintegration of the family unit.
And they are easily led astray into bitterness and bewilderment because they're still not finding the solutions they seek.
For all its relevancy in today's dating climate, there are a lot of blind red pill folks out here leading the blind–fledgling red pillers who want answers to their problems who are instead finding a wall of pablum and parables that promote the very ills the red pill claims to denounce–sleep with a lot of girls, spin plates, use people and delay having children until you're 50, etc.
And they have no regard for how that's going to turn out for you as a human being down the road.
My advice to you is to not get sucked into the nihilism and mistrust that certain sects of the red pill promote. Instead, seek out people/figureheads who have a sense of optimism and offer bona fide solutions to navigating the dating marketplace.
You want to feel good about the decisions you make, not be imprisoned as a growing skeptic who has nowhere to turn to find solutions. If you're not finding any real solutions and instead you're being backed into a corner by cultish, circle jerk rhetoric, that's a clue you must take the few bits and pieces of information you find useful and keep it moving.
There's a lot of gray area to relationships the red pill doesn't account for that they refuse to acknowledge–because it will ultimately force them to see and accept even more truth they can't seem to swallow. While there's a lot of truth to be found in the red pill, there's also a mountain of lies.
Don't get sucked in. Remain steadfast in finding solutions and solving your problems. Find the truth, accept it and move forward. Anything less means staying stuck right where you are, or worse, ending up somewhere you don't ever want to be.
Love and Many Blessings,