My girlfriend has gained 30 pounds since Covid and I'm frustrated because I'm losing my attraction for her. I'm unsure how to tell her how I feel without hurting her feelings and becoming upset with me.
At the same time I'm pretty resentful myself of the fact she's let herself go and I feel a bit angry that she doesn't seem to want to improve her appearance so we can resume having a decent sex life.
How can I tell her to lose the weight without being a jerk?
Frustrated and Sexually Dissatisfied
I feel your pain. Many do. Since the inception of this fiasco people around the world have gained weight across the board.
According to a poll by the American Psychological Association's Stress in America pandemic survey, 61% of people in the US have gained weight during Covid.
And women have gained the most. The average weight gain reported by women came in at 22 pounds. 45% of women reported weight gain vs. 39% of men–but men have gained more pound for pound, gaining an average of 37 pounds.
It's a moot point to discuss the ramifications of Covid and its disastrous consequences as a result of lockdowns and widespread idleness guessing how many flies there are in the mayonnaise jar and physical inactivity.
The main point of contention here is to get your sex life back in order and to help your girlfriend begin to start looking after herself and her health.
This is a multilayered issue at hand in trying to balance not hurting your girlfriend's feelings as opposed to upsetting her and further laying siege to your bed on its foundation down to the springs from which you'll then have to deal with lacking sex, aggression and anger.
However, in today's PC society many men have a very big problem telling their wives and girlfriends to lose weight–when in all honesty, it's faintheartedness dressed up in "niceness" and "politeness."
Men are suffering from negligible to absolutely zero sex in their relationships in not wanting to have sex with their women because they're overweight.
Years ago I saw a professional male dancer on TV who did an Entertainment Tonight interview from which he and his dancing partner/girlfriend were being sensationalized because he told her no-holds barred "she was getting fat." And he was going to leave her if she didn't lose weight.
Clearly he had all the power in the relationship because she stood up proudly and agreed with him–and defended his honor against the frothing mob out for blood who were offended and lashing out at him for being "abusive" to her.
I'm not suggesting you try this approach but she needs to know how to get back on track somehow, some way.
One thing you might do is start looking after yourself and greatly amplify the effects you wish to see in her. Dress well, eat well, workout, shower each day (maybe even twice), wear cologne and look your best.
This tends to put people "on edge" so to speak and they begin to mirror your behavior and endeavor to up their game. A few boxes get ticked and suddenly they're concerned about why you're giving all this undue attention to yourself.
Soon they realize they need to tend to their own garden in avoidance of you hopping the fence for greener pastures.
In other words, be about it and she'll be all about it too.
Much of what I discuss in terms of weight loss for women here in this column is centered around calorie control. Women don't have to live in the gym in order to lose weight. They simply need to monitor their intake and they can achieve weight loss pretty effortlessly.
You might start preparing meals emphasizing smaller portions and one afternoon suddenly belt out you're not hungry and declare, "I think all this eating we've been doing because of Covid is disgusting. Starting to look like I need a barge over here just to get from room to room. I'm cutting this crap out starting right now."
And she'll probably agree with you and follow suit.
If you can't muster bringing the rain of fury and shame down around her like Professional Dancer Guy did on national television with his dancing partner, you can take the reins and bring the shame down on both you and herself so she doesn't feel slighted.
Furthermore, women listen to their men. Your formidability and authority is a woman's kryptonite. She'll do whatever you tell her to do as long as you're leading and taking charge. Lead by example and be unyielding and she'll do whatever you ask–including losing 30 pounds and once again having fantastic sex with you.
I hope this helps and I hope you two can get back to lovemaking. No one wants to be overweight and no one wants a terrible sex life. Cheers to you for looking for a solution among millions who are suffering a similar fate. It's been a very tough time for all of us indeed.
Love and Many Blessings,