Evie Mag: Is There a Right and Wrong Way to Flirt?
"You really can't go wrong in terms of building attraction with others if you remain self-aware and socially conscientious in how you flirt with people and make things interesting for them."
Over the summer I posted an article entitled "How to Flirt With People" to give you a sense of what techniques to execute in your own approach to flirting with people and how to make yourself more socially attractive through fun and stimulating conversation.
You really can't go wrong in terms of building attraction with others if you remain self-aware and socially conscientious in how you flirt with people and make things interesting for them.
Great conversation is a two-way street. Two people vibing should be the end goal for you to see if there's a connection brewing beneath the surface. And really, I maintain that one of the best indicators of compatibility in a potential relationship is being able to have great conversations with your mate.
I spend a considerable amount of time on Reddit completely dumbfounded in the way some people treat total strangers they've never met before on dating apps and they are somehow surprised they don't get the results they're seeking.
In other words, people are known to treat others very poorly–texting is already awkward in and of itself and doesn't provide much of a window into the other person's motives and intentions. Thus if you flirt with them properly and feel a vibe, you can establish those first few layers of trust upon which the person will open up to you and you can begin to get to know the real person behind the screen.
Yes, you really do have to make people feel comfortable and relaxed enough to get them to remain interested and open up to you. This makes you trustworthy where people will reveal much more about themselves and emotional intimacy can be established.
More on that below...
Dating apps and texting leave a lot to be desired in terms of building a solid rapport with any potential dating interest. We can’t read body language or observe a person’s attraction and receptiveness over text or DM. And unless you’re some elite-level smooth talker, it can be a bit daunting and challenging to flirt over text and be well-received.
Many people today lack basic etiquette and social skills due to being glued to their phones 24/7 and being distracted. They say the average human attention span today is a paltry eight seconds. You have eight whole seconds to make the conversation interesting and capture someone’s attention. Can you make your flirting effective and sustain someone’s interest in eight seconds? Yes, you most certainly can.
As a dating coach, I constantly run into a brick wall of incessant social awkwardness and lack of social decorum in many of my clients who feel crestfallen when people don’t text back within two minutes. People have trouble communicating and being sociable to any degree that would leave an onlooker intrigued and hungry to know more and build sustainable attraction.
Additionally, many people on the dating scene may possibly feel outcasted and detached from others: According to the Health Resources and Services Administration, "1 in 5 Americans say they feel lonely or socially isolated. Loneliness can result in an urge to seek attention, even in people who don’t normally exhibit attention-seeking behavior.”
It’s no wonder people can’t seem to weather the unknown variables and ride out the unpredictable course in terms of meeting someone new. In their quest for attention and validation, they feel they’re entitled and demand an immediate text back, a.k.a instant gratification, for their efforts. And if they don’t receive it, they throw a fit, they inevitably say something they regret, and they wind up ghosted and blocked.
For the ghoster/blocker, this is extremely awkward and unattractive. No one likes to be put on the spot and be made to feel uncomfortable by someone they barely know. And let’s face it, it’s woefully uncomfortable to come in contact with a person who demands our full and undivided attention when you've barely exchanged a few simple words. It screams insecurity, social awkwardness, and “weirdness.”
You must take into account how the other person feels (and wants to feel) during those first initial exchanges. When people engage in a conversation with a new person they’re not well-acquainted with, they want to feel relaxed and unforced, and they want it to be fun. They want the conversation to flow naturally and to sense a vibe with the person that will allow them to connect and be attracted.
Thus, when you flirt with someone, try to put yourself in their shoes. How would you prefer someone to address you and speak to you? You’d want them to be cool. You’d want them to be fun. You’d want them to be able to carry on a conversation that just flows seamlessly in a positive direction.
Click on the link below to view the rest of the article over at eviemagazine.com
Let me know what you think.
Love and Many Blessings,
Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?
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