With my approach in terms of coaching, I make it a point to not ask my clients to do reviews for me. They pay me very generously for my time and efforts, and I don't like to inconvenience them in asking for reviews.
However, I felt it was important to conduct this client interview with a lovely 20-something gal of whom I saw make the most remarkable life changes, and I wanted her to share her newfound success in terms of dating, relationships and overall life satisfaction..
She went from having zero social life with no dating prospects, while suffering from crippling low self-esteem and self-image issues, to becoming a new age social butterfly of sorts who's having the time of her life in meeting men and building promising relationships, both romantic and professional.
Let's see what she has to say about her recent successes....
Q: Please tell us about yourself, your background and your interests as far as how you found my content and how it was relevant to you...
A: I grew up in a very religious setting with strict traditional gender roles in my household. The manner in which my dad treated my mom gave me the impression that women are "lesser" and I felt my dad raised me to be more of a boy.
I was valued for my accomplishments, how hard I work, my ability to perform, etc. I became resentful that I was stuck in this male value system in terms of being expected to perform like a man but was underperforming as a woman.
There was physical abuse in my home. And my dad conditioned me to act like a man and act "tough" and communicate like a man–assertive, straight to the point, short and curt.
I felt as if I'd always adored male strength but grew very resentful that I was brought up to emulate male strength rather than be feminine. Your content helped me recognize the more feminine side of my communication and the value that women bring as women.
Q: What areas of your life do you feel needed some work in terms of coaching?
A: It was my communication style. I was operating out of a masculine skillset due to my upbringing in terms of communication. Being too direct, absent of soft skills/being "delightful" in communicating, and I was so terribly uncomfortable with flirting and being friendly. I didn't feel steady and balanced in my feminine communication.
The forceful way I communicated with men always felt improper. I felt like I was missing a lot in terms of how to communicate in a way that is more appropriate as a woman in allowing myself to be feminine.
I wanted to know how to be seen as attractive to men. I felt "invisible" to men because I was too painfully shy to communicate properly as a woman. I had no confidence and I couldn't put myself out there. I had tunnel vision and never made eye contact nor smiled–low self-worth, being shy to the point of being paralyzed with fear, and I was always deathly afraid to reach out to others.
As a professional woman who has it together and has it "all figured out," I'm very sure of myself and it came across as "intimidating," but it was very off-putting in my romantic life. I wanted to be able to communicate as a woman.
Q: What was it about my coaching in particular that you felt would work and would be suitable for you and your specific needs?
A: I liked your approach and this was long before you started writing on this blog. I liked your humor and how light-hearted you were about everyday interactions that I always felt uncomfortable with.
I love the compassion you have for people but you also don't take any crap from anyone. And you showed me how to laugh at certain situations like it was no big deal–that was huge for me.
I always took everything way too seriously and I just wanted to find another way to look at things in a not so serious way. I also knew that the men you talk about, as far as high value men, were the type of men I would like to date. Up until that point, I believed that only "spineless" men existed and they would be the only men who would ever be attracted to me.
A guy I dated a few years ago actually told me one time, "If a man broke into my home and took my wife and kids, I wouldn't fight for them nor protect them."
I saw that as a poor reflection on myself (rather than him) and felt as if I would never be able to find a masculine man who will protect me. Knowing I attracted and dated that kind of spineless man also succeeded in destroying my confidence, dooming myself into feeling this is the only kind of man I can attract.
And not letting people see me be soft and feminine was attracting this kind of passive, spineless man. This is NOT what I wanted but I didn't know how to proceed in an effort to change what kind of man I want to attract.
Q: Please describe your state of mind and your approach to men and relationships before coaching...
A: For years, I stayed stuck in my head and in my mindset. Agonizing over "poor life choices" that I was "unattractive" to men I was attracted to but couldn't connect with.
I was raised in a churchian environment to "just pair up with any man who is practical and works hard," and I should pick someone who is "good enough" and shouldn't worry about being attracted because "love can grow with anyone" we choose to spend our lives with.
People made me feel guilty and selfish about desiring a man I could be attracted to. So in a twisted way, I felt like I didn't deserve a man for whom I could be attracted.
I also didn't have very many friends and found myself unhappy. I was very lonely and threw myself into my work and wound up burnt out. I isolated myself even further and judged myself very harshly for trying to accept that maybe I simply wasn't going to find a man I'm attracted to.
Q: Now please contrast and describe how your dating life is presently after coaching with me...
A: You have been the biggest blessing in my life this year. I remember when we talked for the first time over the summer and I was explaining my past in terms of the church guilt environment I grew up in and you told me, "You need to let that go," and I felt as if you gave me permission to forgive myself which I'd never thought of before.
I was never bold enough to stand up and say, "I'm smart enough that I don't have to keep myself on the hook forever over some of these mistakes I made."
You told me to think about and reflect on how I felt in some of the more tender, heartfelt moments I shared with men and to thrive on that and use those experiences to erase my bad memories. I was being way too hard on myself.
It was way more than just relationships with men–you gave me some tips on making simple eye contact with strangers, prompting them to be more kind and receptive to me as a person.
Most of my life I was taught that flirty = slutty. When really, this is just normal, everyday interaction. You're supposed to be able to simply connect with people through laughing and addressing social engagement much more lightly. I slowly began infusing this in my life in the way I conduct myself and I started to feel so connected to people and began building relationships based on my openness.
Now I'm really happy and I'm just having so much fun. I wanted help in expressing myself in my femininity and people have since reacted differently to me entirely. I would look them in the face and ask them how their day was and felt their warmth and sincerity. I'm feeling connected to people and I feel so safe.
I fell in love with me. My life. The people around me. And I've made some real connections.
Q: How would you describe the coaching session/experience itself? What did you like most about it? What did you like the least?
A: I loved the humor and the whole light-hearted approach in how to laugh and just let things go.
I felt in awe when you said, "Why can't you go out with him?" when I told you about a man I'm interested in but didn't believe I could invite him to be interested in me.
You just kept putting the questions back on me on why I keep limiting myself. And I discovered I didn't have to apologize or feel guilty about what I like and enjoy in interacting with men. You told me to put myself out there more and I found that uncomfortable. But I started to ease into it and it's already become so much more natural to me.
Previously, I always felt like I should have to overshare and "explain my life" to men and ask them if they really want to be part of "a mess like that." Wrong approach.
You believed in me from the beginning. When I didn't. I didn't know how much fun it could be to flirt and enjoy men and everyday interactions and make things far simpler and easier on myself.
Q: How would you rate your own progress after coaching? Of all my clients, you have by far made the most marked and significant life changes. Please describe those for us....
A: I am so much happier. There's no comparison. Men have begun to find me much more attractive. And I continue to surprise myself in the reactions I get from men and the people around me in general.
You gave me permission to forgive myself for all my perceived "shortcomings" and allowed myself some breathing room to accept the things I haven't been able to change in my past as far as my inner turmoil. And in moving along these new paths in life has showed me that I have such a great future ahead of me.
I got out of my own way, essentially, and I was able to let go and embrace an entirely new mindset in being feminine and letting things go that I constantly beat myself up over in the past.
Q: What's on the horizon for you now? Lots of men are interested in you. How's that been going for you? Pros and cons?
A: I have 5 guys interested in me right now. That's 5 more than I had in, I can't tell you how long.
It makes me feel very attractive and sexy. But the cons are I feel a little overwhelmed at times by all the attention and the numerous and varied interactions. I've had to figure out how to "cut" communication when the vibe is falling off and to learn how to pick up where it left off.
I'm also not allowing myself to have a scarcity mindset. It's a bit of a mixed bag as far as the attraction level vs. the interaction. Sometimes I have great conversations with guys I'm not that attracted to and hope to find someone who can offer both attraction and good conversation.
On the horizon for me? I'm taking all of this with me now wherever I go. It's a skillset and a mindset change I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. Not being fearful of approaching people and taking chances and putting myself out there, because you never know who you're going to meet.
I will continue to ensure I continue to grow as a person and build great relationships with people. I'm having conversations with men today I've always been afraid to have, and all-in-all, it's expanded my professional life as well as my romantic life.
Being able to adore men for their strength without having to act like a man around them has been a huge turning point for me. I spend a lot of time in my professional life interacting with wealthy, successful men and seeing them as positive, masculine male role models in my life has being a blessing.
And if I don't like the way a guy is treating me, I don't feel bad about walking away from a bad interaction. In my past I would question it with my scarcity mindset. Now, I just make sure I talk and interact with people with sincerity, and if I make a connection, great. If I don't, no big deal. There's lots of people out there, and I'm glad to know everyone I meet.
And there you have it. Tremendous progress and life-altering changes in helping a woman discover her feminine confidence–and seeing her become more attractive and desirable to men in the process.
Fabulous work, my pumpkin. I'm so proud of you and I'm immensely proud I've been able to help you turn over a new leaf and help you see what life's really all about! <3
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