I'm 25 years old currently but when I was a little bit younger, I was much more careless towards the idea of hooking up and I got really good at having short flings and messing around with a lot of women.
I've never really liked the notion of doing it, but I've never trusted women due to experiences that I've had and seen. At the moment, I have shifted so far that now I have an ultra-Puritan mindset (which I don't want to have) because I feel disgusted with hookup culture and now, anything a woman does I feel disgusted by because I assume she's going to be a cheater, unfaithful or loose.
I do not like what I am becoming and this thought process towards women is very unrealistic. I want to have a more balanced view but I feel very jaded towards having relationships with women and I don't allow myself to get close. I'm hyper-focused on a girl's past but to an unhealthy extreme where I feel disgust for the smallest things.
I'm too deep in the red pill and I think it's f*cking me up. I don't know where to start. I appreciate your time as always.
Lost and Jaded
Dear Lost and Jaded,
First, let me tell you that you must, without further delay, leave the red pill. Red pill is and will always be suspended in all eternity circling the drain of hookup culture.
They can't tell you how to find a wife and have a family because zero of them have been able to secure that for themselves. And they have no clue on how to even begin to do it. It's the blind leading the blind (unless you want to hookup which, I'm sorry, takes absolutely no special skill, panache nor game to accomplish whatsoever).
Also, I can't say I'm surprised in the least at the outcomes mentioned here following a long string of nameless/faceless hookups. I say nameless and faceless because casual sex has transmogrified people (women especially) into a throwaway collection of mounds and body parts. And having sex with nameless/faceless people over and over again is bound to f*ck up anyone's morale, psychological makeup and views on the opposite sex.
Despite what mainstream culture would have you believe, hookup culture has been a catastrophic failure for millions of young millennial and Gen-Z men and women all over the Western world.
I recall going to a family wedding in Pennsylvania in 2010 where my, at the time, 23-year old niece called me "Snooki" because of my hairstyle (the big, exaggerated hair bump on top of the head I'd been doing up since middle school, unbeknownst to her).
I said, "Who the hell is Snooki?" where she mentioned the millennial cult of personality reality rubbish, Jersey Shore. I'd heard of it but hadn't watched it and when I arrived home out of curiosity after our trip I decided to watch an episode.
I only got through about 15 minutes and resigned it to the dustbin of modern-day common gutter filth. This Jersey Shore mass filth-type propaganda really started pouring in based on my observations after 9/11 where I found the vast majority of pop culture and its horrendously bad TV shows inconceivable and unwatchable.
Millennials have been raised on hookup culture since early childhood. And Gen-Z? That's all they've ever known. They have grown up choking on and drowning in this common gutter filth hookup culture. And it's no mystery why millions of young people today have found themselves unable to find loving relationships in its aftermath.
Hookup culture is and always was a mass grooming campaign against young people. You have been groomed into a life of filth, licentiousness (and the resulting after effects of hopelessness), despair, hatred and mistrust for the opposite sex.
And it's no wonder that submersing yourself in deviant acts over any extended period of time makes you hate women. These are very ugly things. Shocking things. Soul-crushing things. Unnerving things. Inhumane things.
They can tack on all the "glamour" they want to hookup culture, package it and sell it to young people as an elite lifestyle choice as they wish. Doesn't mean young people aren't going to come out irreparably f*cked up on the other side of it. And they have.
Now that I'm done soapboxing, let's take a look at what typically happens to men who embark on random hookups and lasciviousness over any extended period of time:
- They end up like yourself. They experience a big kick over the head where they retreat and try and make sense of it. They abruptly leave the lifestyle jaded and go to the extreme end in search of (unrealistic, as you succinctly said) innocence and purity–where all the sexual ugliness and vulgarity they experienced in the past makes it seem impossible to find innocence anywhere (vast majority of guys wind up on this side).
- Or they just keep going down the rabbit hole of lewdness and lovelessness and never find a woman they can settle down with. They can't bond with any one woman. And before you know it when they're too old and are a lot less virile, they can't get on hookup apps with young women laughing at them saying, "Look at this old f*ck on here."
And maybe they even wind up like Roosh living involuntarily celibate and try to dress it up as living a new age, "enlightened" monk lifestyle. You think Roosh still doesn't jones for a wife? Think again because I assure you, he most certainly does.
Tom Torero (one of Roosh's red pill PUA cohorts) found himself on the other side of 40 and committed suicide after leaving the lifestyle with nowhere to turn. As far as the veracity to his personal claims concerning all the women he's slept with as a pickup artist remains unknown. What is known, however, is he never found a woman to love and settle down with before suffering a tragic death.
You see the common, overarching theme here? They all wind up alone. No wife, no vision, no family, no roots, no lasting legacy.
You got out in the knick of time. You're still very young and fortunately, young people are very resilient and can survive anything.
So what do I recommend you to do bring about a sense of hope and fulfillment in your newfound, young life? What can you do to undo the damage wrought on by your previous hookup culture lifestyle?
Turn to God. Pray. Take a more realistic approach overall towards others and understand that no one is perfect. Not you, not anyone. And be forgiving and come to a sense of understanding.
Cultivate close fulfilling relationships with your family and lean into them for support. Devote your life to recapturing your innocence wherever you can find it (spending time with family helps with this). Always look for the good in people and realize that no one in this life leaves it pristine and unsullied. We all face our demons. You've now faced yours thus it's time to restore your faith in love.
Therapy is also a lifesaver for many. Your issues can be greatly remedied by a professional who can help you understand and process your feelings and work with them.
Another thing people may call outlandish and hyperbolic is, this is long-term, sustained sexual exploitation–you were exploited and you were victimized by hookup culture. There is trauma present in your uncontrolled wincing at women and thinking they're "disgusting" and unfit for love. A professional will be able to help you work through that.
In another time (say, my generation), yourself along with millions of other young people wouldn't have had to endure a single minute of any of this. We certainly didn't. Which is why I can sit here and say that when I saw this hookup culture waste coming down the pike, I was incredulous and outraged.
It's sexual exploitation and grooming. No ifs ands or buts about it.
Lastly, stay far away from the red pill, take some time to really find yourself, rediscover what you want out of life and perhaps put dating on hold for at least a year. You will need time away to work on your healing. And I'm certain I don't have to tell you to stay away from the hookup culture crowd–you had more than your share of heartache and you're ready to grow up and move beyond it.
That's commendable. And you are brave for coming forth and admitting you need help. It's out there for you and you will find it. Keep the faith and stay the course.
Above all, always remember love is at the end of all this. Choose to summon love in everything you do from here on out. Because I promise, there's a bright future ahead of you on the other side.
Love and Many Blessings,
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