I'm a Nice Guy and I Don't Know How to Talk to Women - What Do I Do?

Dear Jenny,

Q:

I find that red pill content has a lot of useful tips about not simping, not being a ‘nice guy’ and not treating women as though they are more valuable than yourself but I find that it can be quite negative a lot of the time.

For instance, how they say that complimenting women validates them too much and lowers their attraction for you and that it’s difficult to have an intimate, exclusive, long-term relationship with women because being readily available with them and treating them too well is a turnoff.

I’m struggling to reconcile red pill ideas about attracting women with being a positive, charming guy who’s good at forming emotional connections with them.

Red pill content makes me feel like I should be colder and almost unemotional around women but I know that I’m not going to be a joy to be around and bond with a girl well if I act like that.

I’m not sure how I can be charming and endearing to women in a way that’s sexually attractive but at the same time not compliment them too much (when is it appropriate to compliment) and not come across as too nice.

I think an issue I have with attracting women is coming across as too nice so this concerns me.  

How can I be positive, charming, endearing and sexually attractive to women without coming across as a ‘nice guy’ who’s being too nice and friendly?

I hope you understand where I’m coming from. I would really appreciate your insight on this. This has been really bugging me recently and I feel confused about how to be and what to do. Thank you for your time.

Signed,

Confused About How to Be Nice and Sexually Attractive to Women

A:

Dear Confused,

This is a severe issue plaguing a lot of men in the red pill and red pill circles–because they were/are more often than not afflicted with being the nice guy who gets rejected by women.

And with all the misinformation being spread the last 40 years a la "Friends" and other cheesy new age pop culture entertainment that has given men an unrealistic view of what women find attractive in men doesn't help much.

The fact is, women don't like nice guys. They loathe them. And the reason they loathe nice guys is because they know instinctively nice guys are hiding behind some veneer of faux pleasantness because they don't have the courage to be who they truly want to be.

Courage and the strength to reinforce that courage is the hallmark of a man. It's the purest symbol of a man who is confident and has a strong sense of himself and who he is.

And women find that relatable (and highly attractive) because it demonstrates leadership qualities in a man and he can be trusted to properly lead a relationship.

It's also a marker of concrete life experience. A nice guy perhaps doesn't possess the life experience because he's spent his entire existence as an invertebrate hiding in the shadows and fails to understand women and likely people overall.

It indicates low social intelligence and illustrates that a man is naive when it comes to women and this is highly unattractive to women as well.

I'm often inundated with questions like:

"How can I compliment a girl in order to get her to like me?"

"How should I act around a girl in order to get her to like me?"

"How should I talk to a girl in order to get her to like me?"

And the clause herein is always "to get her to like me."

You have no framework as a man if this is your line of thinking. You have no self-confidence nor self-awareness as a man out in the world who's left to his own devices.

You seek validation from women and not validation that must and should derive from within yourself if you want to understand how to relate to women as a man.

If you're being too nice, you simply don't possess a strong value system that will aid you in being successful with women. You're not sufficiently confident in yourself–and it shows. You possess no real values within yourself that will guide you through life and help you attract women.

The saying goes, "The man who will stand for nothing will lay down for anything."

Women aren't attracted to nice guys because they have no values. They have no standards. They have no sense of respect for themselves nor the people around them and they have no boundaries. They have no backbone.

And all this indicates to any woman is that he's an inexperienced weakling. Unfair and heartless as it may seem, women despise weak men who possess no strength, no character and no values.

There is some real weight behind red pill advice in not overly complimenting a woman, blowing up her ego and pedestalizing women.

But there's also a lot of dead weight in advising men to be dicks to women. Yeah, it works more often than it doesn't.

But let's say you master being a dick and women come around to you and you attract women who sign the dotted line to be your doormat–if you're a man with a value system you've developed over time through some good old-fashioned hard work and elbow grease, you're not going to find doormat women appealing either.

Instead, try listening to that voice inside you that is rational. The one that knows what the heck is going on. The one that grants you the suspicion/lowly vibe as to when things are headed south very fast when you're kissing a woman's ass because you're afraid to lose her.

If you're afraid to lose any woman, you're not a man in the truest sense of the word yet. You're not ready to lead a relationship yet. You haven't reached a level of self-awareness in which you understand and accept everything valuable in this world comes with a steep price.

And the price you're willing to pay for a woman at the expense of your self-respect and dignity as a man is a huge price to pay. You WILL lose her and indeed any other woman that comes down the pike in the future.

As far as talking to women, start paying close attention to how she treats YOU. Then speak to her and treat her accordingly. She treats you well, you treat her well. She treats you not so well, you treat her not so well up to and including getting rid of her where justified. This is how it works.

Until you learn and understand that the way a woman treats you is reciprocal in nature, you'll never find any real success with women.

You're in the relationship too. Your feelings are just as important (if not more important) than hers. Until you start valuing your feelings and your sense of male identity above all else, you'll simply continue being the nice guy that no woman wants.

Love and Many Blessings,

Jenny

Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?

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