I've been caught in a bit of a firestorm on my Instagram page lately in giving women actionable dating advice that will help them find success in their relationships with men. Many women have said "this is what our grandmothers would have told us." And they're right.
I may not be outing nor branding myself as a traditionalist but I can promise you, all that I advocate for here and promote is centered around helping others seek out marriage and family while emphasizing focusing on life fulfillment and purpose.
And a few bad apples have decided to finagle my words and imply that I'm insisting men chase women i.e. simp for them and beg for a woman's attention. Thus it's important to clarify the stark contrast between masculine male pursuit and feminine reassurance vs. chasing people who don't want you.
Because chasing is to essentially sprint after people who don't like you nor care about you enough to sustain their interest. Or are, at the very least, not all that interested but are content to lap up the free attention and validation nonetheless.
Bottom line is, neither man nor woman should be chasing after anyone. When two people come together who are attracted to each other and long for each other's vibe and presence, it's a masculine/feminine dynamic that is energetic and unshakable. It often breeds lasting attraction that makes people bond for a lifetime.
The woman invites the pursuit and the man pursues.
She says, "Come and get me."
And he says, "Most definitely."
And for people to deny that this intense attraction is built up over time and is achieved through these intensive and enthralling "cat and mouse" dynamics are doing you a disservice. With today's fast food society that feels entitled to sex, attention and uncommitted relationships with expediency, they're missing out on real masculine/feminine intimacy that fosters deep, lasting attraction.
Women want to be pursued and "get drunk" off attention from men. And men love to make women feel desired. It has nothing to do with chasing anyone, but instead has everything to do with attracting and bringing two people together quite vigorously like two magnets. It's nature's perfect hustle.
Now that we've clarified a bit on the difference between chasing vs. pursuit, let's take a closer look at where pursuit comes into play–and where it doesn't...
The Basis of Attraction Behind Pursuit
When two people are deeply attracted to each other, the masculine and the feminine entwinement they share becomes palpable. And unrelenting. However, it's vitally important for women to allow the man to pursue because he can't feel deep, lasting attraction without it.
Once again, no one in the red pill is going to be honest with you about this dynamic. A woman is just supposed to throw her genitals at any man–and thus she often ends up shocked and bewildered when he throws it back after he's done what he wants with it.
I've been talking about vasopressin lately as I've been delving into how men bond with women. And men quite literally have to WORK for a woman's affections, both emotionally and hormonally, in order for him to value her and want to commit to her.
Has nothing to do with making a man dance like a monkey with zero benefit nor reward, but has everything to do with him having to feel fully invested in a woman through his "heroic" efforts. He longs to be the hero who wins something.
Men's biological makeup is designed for unearthing, endurance and problem solving. That's why they work hard and feel proud and very accomplished in their careers. And they view their pursuits with women in the same manner whether they care to say that out loud and admit it, or not.
"I worked hard to achieve this and I'm going to cherish and hold onto it because it's mine."
You rob a man of that opportunity, he'll never love you nor value you. Because he can't. Men can't assign meaning into something they didn't earn. It's a man thing.
A High Value Woman Who Likes You Will Deeply Warm to Your Pursuit Like a Kitten
Guys, the jig is up for high value women who have options especially in terms of attractive men who are socially savvy and have their head on straight and may be interested in more than just getting laid.
They don't think in terms of dating as being readily available to be used and thrown away like many low value women who throw their lady bits at any man who gives them flimsy attention.
She knows what she has to offer and has lots of suitors. And a woman who isn't damaged and has her head on straight is going to appreciate a man's sincere efforts and sniff out and rebuff insincere efforts. That's just the truth.
And yes, these women DO exist. They really do. You're just not going to find them on Tinder or OnlyFans.
A woman with a healthy level of self-esteem and a strong self-image who takes pride in her womanhood is going to expect the man to step up and initiate because she realizes that the men who don't aren't the men for her.
BUT if she likes you, she will readily encourage the pursuit. She will show up when asked. She will be ready to receive you. She will adore the pursuit and desire it because it makes her feel attractive and feminine. It's all very primal and she's up for that intensity and animalistic desire.
If she's very responsive in your pursuit, that's your green light to keep going. It's all very fun and exciting for her and it will be exciting for you too. That's how you know it's real.
When Does Pursuit Become Chasing?
Pursuit can quickly devolve into chasing when you turn her off. When you're too pushy and demanding and she's put off by it. When you're making her feel smothered and uncomfortable.
It also falls flat when you're being the nice guy who's too timid to step up his game and go after her in a balanced way that stokes her attraction.
Pursuit is a marathon, not a sprint. You still need to make her long for you in letting your foot off the gas and let her yearn for you in your absence. And you need to yearn for her too over time if you expect to fall in love with her and value her beyond sex.
You still have to allow for her to progress in her feelings and allow that attraction to build into an inferno. And I'm sorry guys, that takes effort with women just as it takes time for you to bond with her in putting in the work. It takes a reasonable amount of time and effort to reach the heights of attraction that will benefit you in any meaningful way that will foster any long-term bond.
Some standard rules to live by in terms of pursuit vs. chasing:
- If your advances are unwanted and you FEEL for certain they are unwanted (don't ignore this, just move on) don't pursue her. Find another woman to pursue.
- If she likes you, she will make it obvious in many key aspects, namely, showing up and not flaking, not taking your attention for granted and not trying to purposefully make you feel lousy and undesired. Women who like you don't go out of their way to make you feel like you're a fly in her soup.
- If she refuses to show you ANY physical affection at all, keep it moving. This is NOT a woman worth pursuing because she's not attracted to you.
- She will make it very interesting for you. She will flirt, be fun and have a distinct desire for pleasure and enjoyment. If it's dry and she's not with it, she will always show it. If she's not having fun with you and making the pursuit fun and pleasing, she's not interested.
- You will feel her attraction and desire in the pursuit. It will be unmistakable. You just know that's what she wants because you can sense it. Hone in on your masculine desire in relation to her feminine receptiveness to you. She will make it very obvious and simple for you and not too overly-complicated for you to come to her.
Pursuit is not chasing, pursuit is not simping and it's not caving nor placating to a woman's frame. It's the rawest, most visceral and most natural form of attraction between a man and a woman.
Concentrate on the pursuit when a woman likes you. Because everything else is just chasing and therefore, spinning your wheels and being a fool.
Love and Many Blessings,
Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?
Write me: firstname.lastname@example.org