I am a 24-year old woman (living in Sweden) and I am currently in contact with 3 men who have clearly stated that they see me as a potential wife. They all want to marry me and build their future with me if I desire to do so with them as well.
I need advice in how to move forward with this. How do I know which man I should choose?
I don’t have anyone in my life that has had a successful marriage or even a successful relationship. My family members and friends all have toxic relationships or have a bad dating history.
My goal is to get married, have children and become a housewife. All 3 of these men are willing to provide me with this desire that I have. How can I decide which one I should go for?
Swedish Feminine Babe
Dear Swedish Feminine Babe,
Congratulations, this is a great "problem" to have for any 24-year old beautiful, young woman. Women your age should have a choice of suitors that want to marry them, not a choice of losers to hookup with that are intent on wasting their better years.
You've made some real strides in this area. That's no small feat. There's clearly something very captivating about you and since I know who you are, what you look like (hence Swedish Feminine Babe which I've dubbed you), and several men are ready to get serious with you, it's now a matter of deciding which man is actually cut out for marriage.
Saying they want to marry you and whether or not they will deliver on these midnight promises (see below) is another ball of wax. I'm not saying they're lying about it, but it's possible they may not be telling the truth about it either.
What I mean is, plenty of men will talk a good game. They like to butter up the woman and tell her what she wants to hear. Thus, you will have to begin carefully screening these men for lies vs. the truth.
And how should you begin to do this?
- How much actual effort have these men put into leading you towards marriage? Are they making trips to see you frequently and are they coming to see you every time they say they will?
- Are they joyfully opening their wallets and spending money on you?
- Are they showing up consistently and do they give you clear answers as to why they may not at times?
- Are they honest, mature and emotionally available?
- Have they proudly introduced you to their families and inner circle?
- Do they have a questionable or checkered past with women or life overall?
- Have they made any long-term life plans where they've mapped out a clear future with you taking an active part?
- Do they have a ferocious, protective instinct towards you that they would knock a guy out that tried to disrespect or harm you?
- Have they indicated under no uncertain terms that they wish to marry you much sooner rather than later or "someday" (again, see below)?
- Do you feel that you can truly rely on them to be there to take care of you like a man should? To help you solve problems when the need arises?
These are your screening questions. Weigh them carefully. Any man you marry will need to check off most if not all of them.
Now, as far as which man you should choose, I would measure all of the above towards your true compatibility with each man in terms of the following...
Do you have the same attitudes about earning and spending? Religion? How to raise a family?
Do you belly laugh together (this is so underrated yet so important)? Do you have real emotional intimacy where you each feel safe to express yourselves? Can you both openly communicate your needs?
Do you have the same future goals as far as where you want to work, live and what lifestyle you wish to pursue?
Do their families adore you?
Which one are you most attracted to and vice versa? Is there a primal attraction and chemistry between you? Attraction is very important, and most all of the requirements above should be met along with the attraction.
You don't want to end up in a sexless marriage. That's a recipe for divorce.
I know your friends and family and others of whom you're acquainted don't have any relationship success, and they will probably try to talk you out of choosing the right man according to my above criteria.
Don't listen to them. It's none of their business and you have to do what is right for you.
Start taking an inventory on all the aforementioned. And listen to your gut in the presence of each man most of all. What does it tell you? How do they make you feel? Are you able to feel safe and relax in your utmost feminine and stay there? Or do they make you stressed in some way that just feels off?
I'm proud of you, Swedish Babe. You really got this in the bag. Happy choosing.
I've been seeing this guy for over 6 months. He seemed to be mature and also it seemed that our values were aligned. I mentioned I'm looking for a serious relationship and building a family and he claimed it's the same for him.
Recently he was only talking about "one day" and "someday" about marriage and even though it was nice to hear all of these sweet nothings, it wasn't enough for me.
I asked him, what are your expectations for this connection? Do you expect something more? And from that moment on I haven't heard from him. Before, he was all about communication, supporting each other and so on.
Of course as a true lady, I have no intention of contacting him again. It's been two days and I'm feeling extremely anxious about this situation.
Also, maybe I should mention that he has been hiding his true age from me even when I asked. I believe he's probably more than 15 years older. It doesn't matter for me, but would it hurt?
Plus, he hasn't been married before and you say in one of your articles that if a man is way older than you and hasn't been in a long-term relationship, he might be a "girlfriend farmer".
I just want to make sure that what I did was the right thing. I don't want to waste my fertile years on someone who doesn't want to commit. I'm 26 and my dream is to get married and have children. Thank you dear Jenny for your reply.
He Lied to Me About Everything
Here we go. Another old guy who:
- Lied about his age
- Isn't mature by any stretch
- Appears to be a lifelong bachelor/serial monogamist who farms young women and never married any of them
- Isn't emotionally available and splits at the first honest discussion about marriage
And this is just what we know of him based on what you've disclosed. Bet you the whole house and farm too that there's far more where that came from and you know zilch about it. There's more red flags here than Tiananmen Square.
He's a liar and he can't be trusted nor relied upon to do a single thing. You need to accept that and you need to stay away from him completely. You must now begin moving forward with the full intention of never speaking to him again and never looking back.
Ladies, this is all getting very tiresome to me. I really need to get you younger gals onboard with the fact that you really are selling yourselves short with these bums.
They fill up your heads with kinds of flowered baloney they lie about through their teeth, meanwhile, you shouldn't even be considering them for a game of Monopoly, much less a whole relationship.
You are young. You are pretty. You are radiant. And in that radiance lies your ability to have your pick and choose of any number of men. That is, if you want to actually do this thing right and stop screwing around with these duds.
If it was me, I wouldn't even waste another breath. I wouldn't give it a second thought and I wouldn't give him a glass of water if he was on fire.
Look, men are good at faking virtually everything with women these days. Because women allow it.
I repeat, he's a liar. And you should be thrilled you found this out early. You could have had a baby with this toad. Then you'd really be screwed.
Stop seeing the potential in a man to love you. He either loves you and shows up enthusiastically without having to be cattle-prodded, or it's not a good match.
A true lady doesn't accept anything less.
And I know you believe your heart is broken but I'm happy to inform you, it isn't. You will look back on this geriatric liar-in-chief a year from now with a sigh of relief. That is, if you're actually smart, learn to understand your position as a young woman, and stop screwing around with nincompoops like him.
Luckily, I have my female star client reveal I will be hosting on my YouTube channel this Sunday night where we will be discussing how lady game really works.
Make sure you stay tuned for that and take some notes. In the meantime, as I said, ditch this guy; along with every belief you ever had about him being serious about anything.
Only thing he'll ever get serious about is who's going to be there to wipe his rear end for him when he's 70 because he screwed around for far too long and ended up alone. Accept it, process it and move on. Go get your nails done, get a massage, buy a new dress and put your feet up thanking your lucky stars it's all over.
Just stop already. There's a man around every corner. They are not in short supply.
All you have to do is get your lady game up and it's no contest for any of you.
Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?
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