Came across a real gem on Reddit on r/dating_advice about a guy who'd been dating a woman for a month when he discovered she'd been dating multiple men and is also having casual sex with one of the men in her "rotation," as he calls it.
I wanted to share this post with you as it relates to me incessantly pressing men lately to be that much more honest with women in dealing with them.
It is a MUST that you be honest with women at all times. In fact, it's non-negotiable. And I assure you it is albeit guaranteed to work in your favor with any woman you meet.
Look, we can talk about game all day long, upside down and sideways until the cows come home, but until you are ready to be honest about what you really want and expect from women, you will not get any results.
Today's women are DYING for men with honesty, a backbone and some standards. The #1 attribute women find attractive in men is honesty and morality as it relates to men being in the leadership role and taking charge.
And as you'll see below, this man was honest with this woman and she did a complete 180, started monkey dancing and is clearly disturbed that this guy had the nerve to dump her because he found out about her undercover dirty tricks with other men.
He has every right to be turned off by it. And he also has every right to do the smart thing and leave her right where she's standing.
Owen did it with another one of these brand of trollops when I began coaching him and she monkey danced so hard for him, she was stalking him on LinkedIn 6 months after he dusted her! That's not an exaggeration. Monkey dancing, LinkedIn and a scurrilous dummy who got dusted and humiliated as she rightfully deserved.
And as you'll see below, it takes just ONE guy out of an endless number of guys who have no backbone to make a woman completely change her tune and show up wanting to be the right woman for him.
Let's see what he has to say:
"Girl is dating multiple guys at once and I need help ending it with her"
"I’ve been dating this girl for almost a month, and I really, really liked her.
We had so many shared interests and the chemistry was (honestly) better than I’ve ever felt before. This may have been the strongest I’ve ever felt about a girl (this soon, at least).
But recently, I found out she has been seeing multiple other guys while dating me (including a “longtime FWB”). To be fair, we haven’t had the exclusivity talk, and I don’t judge her for this. But I can’t lie and say it didn’t make me feel pretty bummed.
My takeaway was that she must not want a relationship with me and probably doesn’t like me that much, or at least as much as I thought she did based on our time together.
So I told her “something came up” and I couldn’t make our next date, and then I began backing off completely from her, thinking she’d get the hint.
She started texting me, I would say with escalating levels of frustration.
The first text was something like, “Where have you been??”
That evolved into texts like, “Wtf dude, I’m not trying to be clingy, but what’s going on??”
The most recent text today said, “Hey, I thought things were going really good with us. I’d just like to understand what went wrong?”
I don’t really understand why she’s texting me this much if she’s not interested in a committed relationship. I think I made it clear I wasn’t looking to just be added to the rotation like this.
But now I feel like I need to end things more formally. Since I’m already moving on, I don’t think there’s any need to get into the details of “why.” So I was going to text her, “Hey, it wasn’t working for me anymore, but I wish you the best of luck.”
How does that sound? Is it too cold? Is a phone call required? Do I even need to let her know? I’d be open to hearing any advice on how I should end things.
EDIT/UPDATE: I still feel like I don’t want to pursue anything further with her. I did, however, take all your advice to heart about how I shouldn't ghost her, and I should be clear about why I was ending things.
I texted her the following: "Hey sorry, but I was pretty hurt when I found out you were seeing other people still, and I needed some space. I think we were looking for different things, and I'd prefer it if we go our separate ways at his point."
Her response: "Oh my god, I can't believe I f*cked this up. Can we please meet in person and talk about this??"
I asked if she could just respect my wishes."
Whew, let's break this down a bit shall we?
This guy finds a woman he really likes and clicks with, the chemistry is off the charts, and they share the same interests. So far so good.
Then he finds out she's dating multiple men and is having sex with at least one of them. They weren't yet exclusive but it's clear he was possibly headed in that direction in desiring exclusivity at some point because he legitimately liked her.
So he finds all this out and naturally, he's very hurt. Again, she's a woman he actually liked a great deal.
His image of her was shattered completely when he found out he was all tangled up in a roster full of men, some of whom she's having casual sex with.
He makes the final decision to cut her off.
He begins scaling way back on texts and communication.
Then POW, he's completely honest with her and tells her he never wants to see her again.
Can you blame him? This is bullsh*t and he's hurt.
He did several key things:
- He felt rightfully hurt and disgusted by her behavior that obviously attests to her bad moral character that makes her unsuitable for a committed relationship.
- He began making plans to dump her with no intention of looking back. This is a boundary for him that she clearly crossed and it is the point of no return where he simply cannot go any further.
- He was honest and direct in dumping her and said, "I'm hurt by this and it's best that we stop seeing each other and go our separate ways."
And she freaked out, felt humiliated, stupid and feels like crap (as she should), and is willing to do whatever it takes to make up for it and get back in his good graces.
Monkey dancing x1000.
So what's my point here?
Guys, if you want any woman to show up for you, act right, be a good woman and actually love you, you're going to have to adopt the same mentality, moral standards and approach in dealing with women at all times.
Doesn't even matter if she's dating multiple guys. If she's flaking, acting stupid, treating you like crap, taking advantage of you and is otherwise acting foul, you can put a real boundary in place and watch her go completely MAD for you.
And I promise you, this guy's probably the only guy who has bothered to put any sort of boundary in place which is why she's monkey dancing for him from here to Timbuktu.
This is what today's women especially desperately want from men because the rest of these guys out here are cucks and simps. Any man who decides to be THAT guy, the one with strict moral boundaries and has the balls to follow through, will have any woman clamoring to do whatever he wants.
So for you guys out here who are really struggling with women, take some notes and understand that women on today's dating scene are looking high and low for men with some standards and the moral courage to uphold them.
Reposting this below to once again drive it home:
It really is that simple to stand out in this day and age and be above all the rest of these guys who are dishonest, have no standards and continue to get treated like crap by women because of it.
Virtually any man who decides to exercise his God-given right to be upstanding, moral, and live by a code of ethics with women will be heads above the crowd and will have no trouble at all with women whatsoever.
It has nothing to do with playing games, being an assh*le or bullying women. It has to do with saying no and sticking by your word. Nothing else matters. Take back your power with some honesty, standards and boundaries. That's what it's going to take to win in this increasingly brutal dating climate where it's sink or swim.
Be that guy or be the guy who gets no women ever.
Happy balls and boundaries.
Love and Many Blessings,
Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?
Write me: email@example.com