Many of us would like to cut to the chase, pass go and collect our $200 in finding out sooner rather than later if we're truly compatible with a potential date. And the process can seem daunting and confusing when we meet someone and we're dealing with hormones and emotions and other mysterious "clues" that tend to foil our "long-term dating sensors" in selecting the right mate.
Hint: The person just showing up being hawwwttt is not a great match.
The person wanting to go to bed with you immediately is not a great match.
The person who flakes, can't show up on time like, ever and avoids being honest with you as to why they didn't bother showing up last week but you want to continue being persistent anyway is not a good match.
So let's have an overview of some simple clues you can look out for to see if your date checks off any of those major great match boxes:
You Can Actually Have a Mutually Stimulating Conversation
Does the person listen to you?
Do you listen to them?
Do they ask you questions?
Do you easily laugh together?
Do they explicitly tell you they like certain qualities about you that are not related to any of your physical characteristics or how much money you make?
Does the conversation flow with ease?
Can you maybe even communicate without uttering a single word? You can simply look at each other and seem to understand each other? There's a vibe between you that you can sense that feels comfortable and familiar? Where you don't have to say much of anything at all?
If you answered yes to most all of the above (jackpot if you said yes to all)....
DING DING DING DING DING
These are all very good signs. And the reason these are good signs is because this is all so...
Rare. Very, very rare.
If you click with someone, it's probably because you're meant to click with them. A second date is almost always assured under these conditions so give yourself a pat on the back. You may have potentially scored big.
You Come From Similar Backgrounds and Share an Appreciation For the Same Culture
It definitely helps when you two are "equally-yoked" as they termed it in the past.
Yeah, I get it. You're not supposed to have any preference for people of the same ethnic, cultural, or socioeconomic background. I mean, according to the red pill, every rich, Ivy league educated cardiac surgeon is dating the 21-year old Hooter's waitress, right?
Sorry folks but I'm afraid that's the exception and not the norm. Studies have long concluded that people tend to stay within their league in terms of selecting long-term mates. Note I mentioned long-term whereas short-term mate selection strategies are often very lax and unreliable because well, it doesn't matter in the long run does it? People aren't sticking around.
People from Harvard tend to marry people from Princeton.
Rural folk in Nebraska tend to seek out and marry other rural folk in Nebraska.
And so on.
So why is this important in determining if a date is a much more suitable and promising match?
You'll have that much more in common that will help you both strive to stay together long-term. Similar attitudes about money, living conditions, work, values, cultural likes and dislikes, you name it, these very basic things keep people interested in each other because they can be enjoyed by you both.
You should have more in common with this person than you shouldn't. The old cliche "opposites attract" at best appears to be a more elusive mating strategy serving temporary and short-term interests. The more you have in common? The more the person is going to like you for who you are, what you do, where you've been and where you're headed.
You See Tangible Qualities in the Person That Are Grounded in Your Beliefs and Preferences That Aren't Taking a Backseat to Sexual Attraction
We all know sexual attraction is important. I still find it disheartening at times that I actually have to emphasize on a regular basis that mutual sexual attraction is non-negotiable in any lasting relationship.
Yet we have a lot of these fundie-type tradcons among these various interweb cliques who bleat on the daily, "Make sure you sleep with your man even if you never want to. It's your sworn duty to cook breakfast then proceed to lay up with men that make your skin crawl, because you know, God or something."
As an aside, I'm not irreligious and I'm Catholic, thus I just(ly) have a visceral distaste for fundies.
What they preach to you is not biblical in any sense. Sex is not your sworn duty with men you find disgusting that you should have never married because you find them disgusting. This tradconian hogwash makes for some very bad blood in the bedroom and very soon, everywhere else.
Important as sexual attraction may be, the person who likes you and sees a future with you is going to notice both the smaller things and bigger things about you that they warm to, admire and want more of. They will see the uniquely human side of you that doesn't strictly reside at the shallow end of the gene pool.
They will like the books you read.
The way you write in cursive? Spectacular.
Your poetry? They will actually love every word of it and they won't just pretend to love it because they're a one-trick pony horny bozo who just wants to get laid after ingesting that stack of lobster shooters.
I often wish people among the dating/psychology/romance community would further discuss these intricacies that lead towards promising attraction and a better shot at a chance of a great relationship.
I'll be taking to task all these intricacies in the future here among these pages.
In the meantime you can comb my library of nearly 300 articles that will help you to fine tune your dating/seduction skills and you will soon find that special person sitting across from you really digs you (too)!
What do you think? What other important details have you noticed in the past or present from a person you've dated that indicates it could be a great relationship?
DM me on Instagram and let me know.
Or you can email me at: email@example.com
Love and Many Blessings,